Big Plans - Rarities and B-sides

I can't believe I never thought of it before. I've been having a hard time because of simple anality. I'm busy with life, and don't have good time to commit to my music projects. That means getting to know my machines well, and creating innovative music with them.

Then I realized - all of my early projects will one day be worthy of an album unto themselves! The true fans eat that shit up! I'm talking not only about the hordes of backstage Betty's, but also the dudes who air-jam each song from the first album. You know the guys - the ones who resent me getting so damned popular. Well, they'll enjoy that rarities album, with the project songs.....you see, it gives insight into my thought process when I was beginning my craft. A few years of honing, working, perfecting.....the thought process of an artist of my caliber....captured in a rarities album....man, if the Grammy's weren't so political, you can bet that this album would warrant one. This album, with pages of liner notes and photos of me with my gear, will be a window into a world that my fans have oft wondered about. Working on this album now makes good sense. This is the 6th, 7th, or 8th album I think.

I think the first track that I'll send into the ether will be only the basis of a song. A building block. Some funky electronic drum rhythm with bass accompaniment. I think in the coming months, I'll be able to share some building blocks with the world. I doubt that these building blocks, alone, will stop the fighting in that faraway place - can't remember the name, but its a major war I think.....but it might be enough to motivate at least some young angry man....motivate him to also go away for a few years, honing his craft.... working.... perfecting..... following in my footsteps..... aspiring to greatness.... yeah. Rock on.

Big Plans - Rich's Plans

I have a neighbour with whom I witness and judge rock and electronica shows. Let's call him Rich.

Rich is very anal, like me. He works well with computers, can be alone and productive for extended periods of time, and has a lot of opinions. I like this about him. He also has a lot of opinions about what a band should be like, and I agree with each and every one of them. I would like to take this opportunity to expand on a subset of his opinions:

1. No roadie shall be employed to setup our equipment. We work with precision equipment that must be handled to our specifications. No employee could ever attain the level of perfection that we expect. As such, it is our duty, to ourselves, to personally carry our own guitars, synthesizers, amplifiers, and cables to and from our convoy of tour busses to the stage, and connect things in the appropriate manner. We take pleasure from this.
2. No way in hell will we ever charge the kind of prices that very old bands with magazines named after them charge for tickets. Sure, they have a few hits and have influenced a few bands, but is it really necessary to gouge the poor college students who worship us? The answer is no. No ticket shall cost more than $35.00 to our show. If we have to, we will play every night for 4 weeks at a single venue. Our fans are important to us.
   
3. Power down. Upon leaving the stage amidst deafening roars of applause, care must first be taken to power down all amplifying equipment. We paid good money for this fine equipment that we have come to love....we must treat it right. Plus, it is a signal to our ever-engaged audience that, yes, we will only perform 3 encores.
   
4. More is better. We like what the band Shout Out Out Out Out have done, with their cornucopia of bassy and drummy goodness, and we think that the more sound that you can throw at an audience, the more likely they are to discover a new god. That god will be us.
5. Turntables are cool. The people who we've witnessed dj-ing have done things that seem amazing. We don't currently understand what those things are, but we like them. We may contract someone to perform DJ work for us, but probably not until our 2nd or 4th album.
   

Rich is like me - he has potential, plans galore, but no time. One day we will collaborate on a project that will produce a miracle. I can see the Nobel Peace prize awarded and, depending on how much bass we put into our premier album, the Nobel Physics prize.

Big Plans - My Demands

Clearly, a very important characteristic for any band is the relationship that they will have with the venue host. I don't think I need to elaborate on how difficult it will be to get me to play in your major metropolitan centre...what is worth discussing in further detail, to give you time to prepare, are the list of demands that I will place upon the host before I will agree to play in your town.

1. Clean towels. I'll need no less than 50 clean towels available to me, on stage, for drying perspiration (I'm a hard working performer). If I use a towel and discard it, I will expect another towel presented to me within 7 seconds.
2. Backstage Betty's. I'm married and am quite happy, so I have no need for groupies. However, my traveling band will have a voracious sexual appetite and to prevent them from burning your city to the ground, you will need to ensure they are sated.
3. Full Entourage. As soon as our plan touches ground, I want to be surrounded by a full entourage, including a complete security unit. This will of course include licensed transportation, on call until we board our plane to leave.
4. 5 food groups. In order to have adequate energy for performing, I'll need a personal chef who can create no less than 20 meals consisting of chicken, pork, beef, lamb, and seafood.
   
5. Wet bar. I will require access to imported beers at all times. In the unlikely event that I will desire a different drink, the supplies for that will be present also.
6. Bar staff. I don't have time to open my own beer bottles or mix drinks; also, as a performer my hands are insured and often wrapped in protective gauze....I will require someone constantly on hand to open all of my beers. Each beer will be served in a new frosted mug, with each frosted mug that I use destroyed afterwards.
   
7. Hand fans. I dislike the heat and humidity. To ensure that I am not tired due to weather, please ensure that I have personnel available to fan me using authentic Japanese hand fans.
8. Irish Spring. Backstage, I will require a shower with front-and-back showerheads so that I don't get cold. It will be stocked with 3 unused bars of Irish Spring, and 7 fresh towels.
   
9. Mexicans. Everyone knows that things improve when you add Mexicans. Before a show, some Mexicans to hang with backstage will help to build my momentum.
   
10. REO Speedwagon. I require the song "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon to be played backstage before the show. I will either cry or make fun of it, and this is none of your business.

If a single one of these items is missed or not performed to my expectations, I will wreak havoc on the venue, my hotel room, members of the supplied entourage, and the airport. If I make it as far as the stage before I recognize this failure by the host, I will perform a "Shannon Hoon" (ala Vancouver) on the crowd before leaving.

Thanks for your future cooperation. I look forward to doing business.

Big Plans - Third Album

I've been thinking a lot, of late, about how I want my third album to sound. I think I'm going to play more piano on the third album, and less of the synthesized electronic sounds. It would be inaccurate to state that I was "going acoustic" or something.....a musician of my caliber doesn't "go acoustic"....he experiments with different sound textures, rhythm styles, and layers effects and/or instruments.

I really think it is important to plan out the first 5 or 6 albums. The third album is clearly one where it becomes safe to branch out and introduce new styles that differ from past work. I'll admit, I intend to sell out a bit with the first album just to make a name for myself. It will be heavily influenced by electronica pop music. I like that music, but it is more formulaic than what the third album will be. I guess what I'm trying to say is that in order to bring my third album to the masses, I need to make a big name for myself with the first two albums.

Let's be clear on this - it has nothing to do with a desire for fame.....rather, in order to achieve my goal of bringing inner peace and clarity to as many people as possible, as my third album will do, I will need to become bigger than Bono by the time it is released.

Whew, it really feels good to get that off my chest. I know that many millions of people will enjoy my first two albums, because it will rock out. It will deliver the wall of sound. But my true intent, as a musician, will be to deliver the third album. After that, a couple of remix albums and a best-of will round out the first 6 albums. I haven't decided what album 7 will be like yet. It would be stupid to plan that far ahead, as I'm sure you all agree. Still, I'm considering an album of duets, or else an album where I utilize a choir of 10,000 children for the final 3 songs. It isn't clear yet....

Big Plans - The Wall of Sound

It is interesting, when watching a concert, to observe the different types of opening songs that a band may lead with. The opening song is a statement; it is key. In some ways, it may be more important than the closing song. It is setting the stage for the concert - one grips them or loses them in the first few moments.

Now, firstly, I should note that I won't be writing any weak songs. Why would I do that? I've got my reputation to think of. No way man - no filler - I don't have an expensive drug habit or any offshore mistresses to support or anything. So, I don't need the album revenues badly enough to generate albums full of garbage. Even still, not all songs could possibly have the same impact. Some songs will shake the earth more than others. As such, in making a concert setlist, it is important to spread out the top songs in an appropriate manner, with the merely awesome songs filling the gaps between those that make your audience discover religion.

The first song must be a mind blower. It must build slowly into a wall-of-sound. The wall-of-sound is the trick.

You can have wall-of-sound if you're playing acoustic - it just takes a lot of people. Many musicians do a good job of this, and it is very exciting to listen to.

This is not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about 1 button wall-of-sound. Quantized electronic-sound goodness. Thick, rich, static'y full-spectrum noise. If you aren't familiar with the band, it will probably surprise you. It will probably shock you, maybe even frighten you. The effect will be somewhat like the quick drop of a rollercoaster. After the initial shock wears off, the delight will ensue. The wall-of-sound will, like a sonic blanket, envelop you. It will own you. And you will like it. There is no talking to your friend at this stage of the concert. Your only communication option is emphatic gesticulations. You may mouth swear words like "F'n awesome" or something.

This is the "wall of sound". It isn't ground breaking, and it isn't complicated, but it is effective. At sufficient volume, it will make your heart skip. If, unlike me, you had hair, it would probably blow due to the sonic waves. And it is all very achievable if you have an (optional) bass guitar, an audio interface, a DAW with a softsynth, and a midi controller. You only need to push 1 button on the midi controller to begin the wall of sound. Pushing another button makes the wall of sound a melodic wall of sound. See? It's simple. One button. I just need to put it all together, and go find me some masses to blast. But first.....all that other life stuff.

Big Plans

I think I'm an idea man. Oh sure, I can implement, and I possess many of the antisocial anal qualities necessary to allow me to spend time by myself, and do a thorough job of something. But when it comes to my rock or electronica band.....I tend to be in a constant state of planning.

When I see another good band playing live, I never fail to be inspired. I write parts of songs, in my head, during and after the show. I have the theatrics all thought out, the signature moves, etc. I don't currently have a band, or anything. I could, I have friends who want to be in a band. It is just all of that other life that gets in the way. The family, work, and laziness.

But one day.....one day, when I have time to rock.....I'll blow the doors off of somebody.